(first written 10-4-2004)
to save space and time, here a few thoughts combined into one e-mail.
Health:
I had FLE today and I couldn't help but notice a problem with the way people think. we all have this notion that if we eat right, exercise and eat healthy, we will live very long. of course as kids, we don't follow strict regiments of diets and health. the argument is that you eat healthy now, you will live healthy when your like sixty. my problem with this is that if eating healthy now makes it so that I have to eat healthy later, I'd rather enjoy what I eat now, and not worry. later in life, it will be worth it. I don't plan to live forever. I guess this sounds lazy but, I'll worry about it later.
football:
I thought up a fucking brilliant play in football. say your team is out of time-outs, but desperately needs one. they could pay someone to sit in the stands and when the time is right, run on to the field. they would have to stop the clock while they got the lunatic of the field. he goes to jail, you get your play, and later you bail him out of jail because of good will. fucking genius.
grateful:
after the necessary people I am grateful for and to, such as family and friends, the next people on my list is very good. it ought to be on everyone's list. I am very grateful to any and all drivers. I would like to say to any driver out there. keep up the good work. thank you for not running me over. its nice to know that the risk of jail and death is greater than your urge to run me over. Again, thank you.
sorry:
this is something we all do that I'd like to apologize for. when ever you see a celebrity on TV, you make your judgment on what you see from other people. the first one. so... all this negative ness on Bush gives me a negative attitude towards him. he might deserve it, but I don't know him. and because Michael Moore is portrayed as an anti-corporate good guy, I see him as a good guy. this is totally unfair to all the people I see negative first. I apologize to these people. I would like to give a special apology to Rob Riener. I saw him portrayed on South Park and got the negativity. it recently dawned on me that he is probably nothing like that and that's just unfair to think of him like that without anymore thought behind it. if any of you know Rob Riener, could you tell him I'm sorry.
what happened to the trust?
I'm not the first to say it, but still, how come we don't trust anyone anymore. hitch hiking crossed my mind and I gave it some thought. it used to be 4 out of 5 people would give you a ride if you were heading in the same direction.hitch hikers weren't necessarily poor people, they just didn't have a car or a ride to where they needed to go. the fifth person would probably not take the hitch hiker because they were in a hurry, or they didn't have room. today, you almost NEVER see hitch hikers anymore anywhere. they are so negative in the media now and no one picks them up. what used to be friendly conversation has been replaced by awkward silence. I'm sick of it. start being more friendly. don't wake up with a smile, because that's insincere. work your way up to one after breakfast and certainly have it with you as you walk out the door.
I'm glad to get this all of my chest. further I'm glad that I did it in one e-mail. the thought crosses my mind that the bad thing about this is that people will grow bored and not read it all. I hope that isn't the case, but if you got this far, it's probably because you did read all of it. you, I also thank.
-Sam
Monday, July 14, 2008
Frontwards Logic
(first written 10-4-2005)
I’ve heard some pretty interesting things while hear in college. Some of the logic behind it was pretty solid too. Others weren’t so good. In this, I’m going to go through some of the things I’ve noticed that you can either agree with, or look forward to when you get to college.
If you have a girlfriend from before college, and you break up with them, you are more likely to get another girlfriend from the college. Here’s how it works. A girl is interested in you but you are not interested in them because you are already attached. This makes them want you more and that will make them become your friend. When you finally break up with your girlfriend, you will need comfort from your heart break. She comes to help you as a friend, and you start to notice how much you like her, relationship-wise. Meanwhile, she still has the same feelings for you and the next thing you notice, you’re making out behind the presidents building. I’ve seen it three times now. Note: this works for girls as well as guys. I’ve seen it on both sides of gender.
There is always one asshole in a group that can never take a serious conversation seriously. I was in a conversation talking about sweatshops and how we could give the workers more money if we cut back on advertisement. This girl then comes in saying how much we need advertisements so we know what to buy. Hello? Brain? The label costs as much as you’re paying the kids. Don’t get me wrong, I encourage different sides of an argument but the idea behind knowing what the product is taking millions and millions of dollars, is ridiculous. You could simply say the name of your product and what it does rather than have an elaborate fight sequence and then yell Dr. Pepper as the hero dies.
That breaking things somehow fixes it. I’m in the process of arguing with someone about a chipped pool stick. He just continues to shatter it while I plead with him to throw it away. Is argument that he keeps fixing it is stupid. If it is fixed properly, it won’t brake. Re-fixing something isn’t solving anything. It’s a waste of time. When super glue isn’t the solution, it’s often a problem when used more than once.
The moral of these stories are clear. When you get to college, you will develop a strange understanding of life. #1 isn’t at all bad; it’s just a little odd.
There is no point to these.
Sam D
I’ve heard some pretty interesting things while hear in college. Some of the logic behind it was pretty solid too. Others weren’t so good. In this, I’m going to go through some of the things I’ve noticed that you can either agree with, or look forward to when you get to college.
If you have a girlfriend from before college, and you break up with them, you are more likely to get another girlfriend from the college. Here’s how it works. A girl is interested in you but you are not interested in them because you are already attached. This makes them want you more and that will make them become your friend. When you finally break up with your girlfriend, you will need comfort from your heart break. She comes to help you as a friend, and you start to notice how much you like her, relationship-wise. Meanwhile, she still has the same feelings for you and the next thing you notice, you’re making out behind the presidents building. I’ve seen it three times now. Note: this works for girls as well as guys. I’ve seen it on both sides of gender.
There is always one asshole in a group that can never take a serious conversation seriously. I was in a conversation talking about sweatshops and how we could give the workers more money if we cut back on advertisement. This girl then comes in saying how much we need advertisements so we know what to buy. Hello? Brain? The label costs as much as you’re paying the kids. Don’t get me wrong, I encourage different sides of an argument but the idea behind knowing what the product is taking millions and millions of dollars, is ridiculous. You could simply say the name of your product and what it does rather than have an elaborate fight sequence and then yell Dr. Pepper as the hero dies.
That breaking things somehow fixes it. I’m in the process of arguing with someone about a chipped pool stick. He just continues to shatter it while I plead with him to throw it away. Is argument that he keeps fixing it is stupid. If it is fixed properly, it won’t brake. Re-fixing something isn’t solving anything. It’s a waste of time. When super glue isn’t the solution, it’s often a problem when used more than once.
The moral of these stories are clear. When you get to college, you will develop a strange understanding of life. #1 isn’t at all bad; it’s just a little odd.
There is no point to these.
Sam D
Death of a Joke
(first written 5-25-2006)
I’ve decided to over-analyze the following joke.
The joke: my friend told me she was sure she was getting into heaven. I told her it was impossible because heaven was only for beautiful people… like me.
The analysis: the joke is making fun of the friend in question saying that they aren’t attractive.
The over-analysis: this joke can also be funny if you notice the vanity involved. In it, I’m not only saying that my friend is not beautiful, but that I am. Vanity is a sin and it would be likely that I would go to hell because of it and other facts such as the probability that I’m lying about the requirements to get into heaven as well as making fun of my friend for not meeting the made up requirements (making the listener/reader assume that the friend is ugly).
I think this joke can work the other way; saying that since the friend is beautiful, they won’t be getting into heaven. This drops the vanity but adds two different things to be the butt of the joke. On one end, it makes fun of the physical quality of heaven, saying that no beautiful people are allowed in heaven. On the other hand, it makes fun of beautiful people making the allusion to (the likely fact of) selling their soul to the devil for the attractive physical appearance.
There! I think I sufficiently killed this joke. Remember folks: the only way to kill a joke is to over-analyze the crap out of it. Put the anal back into analyze!
Good night folks!
-Sam D.
I’ve decided to over-analyze the following joke.
The joke: my friend told me she was sure she was getting into heaven. I told her it was impossible because heaven was only for beautiful people… like me.
The analysis: the joke is making fun of the friend in question saying that they aren’t attractive.
The over-analysis: this joke can also be funny if you notice the vanity involved. In it, I’m not only saying that my friend is not beautiful, but that I am. Vanity is a sin and it would be likely that I would go to hell because of it and other facts such as the probability that I’m lying about the requirements to get into heaven as well as making fun of my friend for not meeting the made up requirements (making the listener/reader assume that the friend is ugly).
I think this joke can work the other way; saying that since the friend is beautiful, they won’t be getting into heaven. This drops the vanity but adds two different things to be the butt of the joke. On one end, it makes fun of the physical quality of heaven, saying that no beautiful people are allowed in heaven. On the other hand, it makes fun of beautiful people making the allusion to (the likely fact of) selling their soul to the devil for the attractive physical appearance.
There! I think I sufficiently killed this joke. Remember folks: the only way to kill a joke is to over-analyze the crap out of it. Put the anal back into analyze!
Good night folks!
-Sam D.
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