Eulogy for Medium

(first written 11-29-2006)

Ever notice how things are either getting bigger or getting smaller? TV screens are getting bigger but the electronics and the sets are getting smaller. Cars are getting bigger but cell phones are getting smaller. Remember how big a Game Boy was? (P.S. fuck you if you don’t know what a Game Boy is, what it looks like, or even if you thought they came in different colors.(P.P.S Fuck you if you’re going to bitch about me using a post script in the middle of something).) They were huge. Well, huge by today’s standards. Something is too big today if it can’t fit in your mouth, let alone pockets.

But in this acceleration into the biggest and best-est and the smallest and sleekest, somewhere, we have lost the middle ground. The first two sizes of coffee at Starbucks were large and tall (of course they have to use non-American words to make it sounds smaller). What happened to medium (never mind small)? And what the fuck is tall?!?

I miss the mediums of the world. The ones that are still around are not good examples of what there was. The few mediums left to choose from are French fries, drinks, hair length, water temperature, clothes, art, and super natural.

Even the middle class is slowly disappearing. That’s an economic problem but I wanted to bring it up none-the-less.

So I say to the mediums of the past: I miss you. I truly enjoyed the experience that you brought to this world. Good bye and maybe you’re future aspirations be average!
-The Big Sleazy “keeping you from your child since 1999!”

BRAIN FIZZLE

(first written 4-25-2007)

I’m not who you think I am. I can’t be. Because if I’m who you think I am, then you have defined me and I have failed. *BRAIN FIZZLE*

Today’s news was dreadful; nothing new. A car accident left two paralyzed while a man watches the recap on the news while eating a piece of whole wheat, white toast. Butter-side up naturally. *BRAIN FIZZLE*

It seems like every way you turn, drugs are the easy way out. The easy way out of what I ask? The answer seems to be: life. My response is that there is another easy way out of life: suicide. *BRAIN FIZZLE*

Peacock *BRAIN FIZZLE*

Stopping global warming is impossible. Why not stop molecules from moving? The question is not how can we stop polluting? Rather, the question is how do we stabilize the environment? I’ll give anyone who’s listening a hint: it involves the balancing of carbon in the atmosphere. *BRAIN FIZZLE*

The difference between a nerd and a geek: nerds are either smart and/or obsessed with technology, be it video games or all things science fiction. Geeks are socially awkward. Nerds often have geeky tendencies because all they know is intelligence. Geeks often become nerds because of their status as social outcasts. *BRAIN FIZZLE*

Clothes can tell you a lot about the people who wear them…. Or they can tell you nothing at all. 50-50 chances aren’t that bad are they? *BRAIN FIZZLE*

I’m always surprised by how easy it is to screw up and how difficult it is to maintain something that is truly good. It just makes me want to………………oh ice cream! *BRAIN FIZZLE*


*BRAIN FIZZLE*
-The Big Sleazy “keeping you from your child since 1999!”
Special features include: Sam offering his feelings about his mental spasms and………… a puppy!

My favorite E-mails

I think by now you’ve noticed the following about myself:
In person, I’m really humble about all my written work, but in the e-mails, I’m the complete opposite. Furthering this polarization I’m going to further toot my own horn and offer what my favorite e-mails are.

My favorite e-mails are (in no particular order):

Commercials 3: I still laugh when reading it, I felt like I did ample justice to the parody of commercials.

Eulogy for Medium: I thought the idea was cleaver and I love how defensive I get about game boys.

I’m very proud of my books of Sam. Not so much the book of Glen; it didn’t bring the same energy out of me. Depending on when this comes out compared to other things, I really worked hard on the book of Beth. I also think my in-depth analysis of the mother goose poems as well as my utopian society in progress are my best works.

‘One Two Step’ was a fun one to work on. I was doing an homage to a book called Macho Camacho’s beat. The book very much reminded me of Kurt Vonnegut.

I also recently read over my dream e-mails (Dreams and Is this A Sign?) and had a very nostalgic feeling while reading them. I still enjoy the memories of these dreams.

-SDG

Question: of the e-mails listed, how many do you still have?