important issue 8 (robbery in progress)

(first written 4-19-2006)

Because I’m me, I’ve decided to dedicate this entire e-mail to the act of robbery. For the most part, the robbery I’m talking about is spontaneous and likely to be of convenience stores or other things of that nature.
*Warning* this e-mail will be incredibly unorganized. I’m just going to let my brain go and what I think is what you get. Messiness eminent!

About the title: I think it is amusing that police call it this. I can’t imagine a robbery taking very long. It’s usually a quick snatch and grab or a short intimidation followed by several shots and a lot of running. I just feel that the phrase is very limited to the short amount of time that the action occurs. More to the point, if the cop is watching the robbery in progress, they’d stop it…hopefully.

The whole idea is very interesting to me. It takes a very desperate person to do something that is becoming increasingly unsuccessful to attempt. And doing this simple act gets you several years in prison. Maybe they don’t know this. Next time you are an onlooker to a robbery taking place, go up to the robber and politely say: “Excuse me. Did you know that your actions right now are illegal?” hopefully, they will promptly apologize and be on their merry way. That would really fuck up any research done about the nature of theft.

Of course it does sadden me that this great country called something allows people to fall so far into the cracks that they are forced to try something desperate and crazy. From their perspective, it can even be win-win. If they, full well knowing the consequences of their actions, still try to rob a store, one of two things will happen. They will either succeed (and have a fair share of money to get back on their feet), or the will fail and get thrown in jail. This is not as bad as it may sound. Jail is the second best place for an underachiever (the first is the army). The basic necessities are there including shelter, food, clothes, and even money. And all it costs are tax payers, but they have the money to pay that and they don’t need to rob stores. (If they didn’t have enough money and they did have to rob stores; that would be a very vicious cycle. Remember, the more people in prison/ jail, the more money required to keep them there.)

Another thing weird about the whole robbing banks/stores thing is when trying to do it with a grenade. If you are robbing someone with a grenade this is the generic threat: “Give me your money. If I can’t have it, I’d rather be dead and I’ll take you with me!” This is really bad logic and I’d be 60% willing to call his bluff and refuse to give the money.

Another thing has occurred to me while writing this. I’m noticing that I’m using the male article only. This is obviously unfair because women are equal. They rob stores and want the same amount from the stores as men. My evident reason for using the male article is that it is much more common to hear of a male robber than a women robber.

Side note/last note: do you think people have ever described their assailants as good looking? Maybe they do and the police leave it out. I’d just like to hear on the news that someone is on a crime spree. They are 5’7”, wear an orange hat, and they are extremely hot. Be on the lookout for someone this height that you want to have sex with immediately.
-Sam D