Seven Places to go After you Die

Why is it that there are only two possible places you can go to after you die? There should be more; introducing: the 7 places you can go after you die. Some of these places are based of off stories and other media. Some are completely made up. Do you honestly care which is which? Just enjoy (after all, I’m doing all the compiling of research and I’m putting all the effort in.)

Heaven.
Let’s just say that it isn’t what you think. First off, the clouds aren’t white. They are this blue-ish off white. It’s hideous to look at, at first, but you get used to it…after all, you’re there for a long while. Activities are limited to things you find on a cruise or, any kind of game/ activity imaginable. Monopoly tournaments every other weekend; they run that entire time. You can actually run for president of heaven every 30 years, but the reigning president is named Smead Rinadè and he is currently in his 38th term. Better get in soon because there is a max capacity.

Hell
Hell as been criticized as a place where you are tortured for the rest of eternity. Truth be told, ever since the black death of the 13th century, hell as been heavily understaffed. So what was torture at all time has become torture for twelve minutes every three hours. That’s right: it’s down to just 6 percent of what it used to be only 800 years ago. During the other time, you can’t go anywhere, so you just get cozy with your neighbors. And getting along is easy because you already have something in common: torture!

Joe’s Universal Bar & Grill
Similar to Resturant at the end of the universe, Joe owns a diner out on the edges of our universe. When you die he takes you there for a nice meal and very interesting discussions. Each item on the menu is hand made by Joe himself and each meal gives you a different extraordinary power. Many believe Joe to be the true god. Appearance-wise, Joe is a worm-like creature (think half the size of Jabba the Hut), who wears a very greasy apron and wears a French chef hat. Only the rarely intelligent come here. Other cons of the place: you have to share it with the still alive because it is a physical place.

Chutes and Ladder’s to Heaven
There are about a Google (1 followed by one million zeros) spaces to this magical board game, each day you traverse across 1-6 squares. If/ when you reach the end, you are granted access to heaven (provided there is still room). Depending on what square you end on, at the end of the day, you may be brought further up the board or further down the board. Along the way, you may stop if you choose and talk to people or do any other of the roadside attractions along the way. The con of this place is that its going to take awhile. If there were only a billion spaces it would take roughly 2 million years. Now raise that number to a power of 111, and that’s how many years it could take. On the plus side, everyone who isn’t in heaven and is going there is on that board with you, so you could get lucky and ladder up in front of them, increasing your odds of getting into heaven before capacity fills.

Parallel universe
So the question then becomes: what happens if I do this stupid, long, Chutes and Ladders of the after life and when I’m finished, I find out heaven is full? It’s a fair question. The answer lies in the Hindu belief of reincarnation. They are almost right. For we are not brought back into your own world; but rather into a different universe. In this separate universe different laws of science may uphold. When you die again the options of where you go for the after life is still the same. If you’re good enough, sooner or later, you’ll find yourself in a heaven (they can’t all be full).

Garfunkel’s electric Museum

A giant museum full of not art, but moments in time, some happening in the present. You stand on one of those walking escalators (the ones you find at the airport), and it transports you around the museum and you don’t chose what you see, but its all fairly entertaining. Drama, action, surrealism; its got it all!

The Ether

Not as glitzy as it sounds. After you die, your astral being leaves your body, but stays on earth and can fly around as it pleases. This is not as good as it sounds because you are forced to deal with the billions of others like you. The density of astral beings is greater than the density of people in Tokyo. You can travel through space but you max speed is around 42 miles an hour, making space travel very arduous and long.



There you have it. Seven theories of what happens after we die. Of course there is the theory that nothing happens, but these are slightly more optimistic. For what its worth, there is a specific place on this list that I’d really like to go.

Happy dying!
SDG