“Good day sir. How may I help you today?”
“Hello. I’d like to undergo your special procedure”
“Wonderful. And when do you want to schedule this?”
“Now if possible.”
“Very good. Come right this way. There is a bit of paper work to go through before we can start. Right this way; very good. Now: first question, have you thought about your decision; are you sure you want to do this? Because once it is done it is done. It cannot be undone. And after we are done you might be wishing that ‘oh no. I did not want this!’ but you know what? It will be too late. So, are you sure?”
“I am. I…uh I’ve thought about this and I’ve made my decision.”
“Okay. Okay. I’m not going to press you. I just wanted to make sure you’re sure. Ok. Fill out this form with your personal info-mation and while you do, I’ll ask you some other questions to speed things along. Next question: Who is your emergency contact?”
“My wife: Linda Blair”
“Oh I see… and does she know about your choice?”
“No, I want it to be a surprise”
“Of course. Very good. Here we are….and Bah-lair. Yes! Next question: kids?”
“A daughter”
“Age?”
“Twelve”
“They are so adorable at that age. Parents: are they alive or dead?”
“My father died a few years ago. My mother is still alive.”
“Surrounded by women I see. How nice. Now I need you to sign this. You might want to read this. The basic idea is that you waive the right of you and your family to sue us in the case that something goes wrong. Ordinarily we have our customers talk to their loved ones and they don’t need to sign this form. But, and I like your style, this is a necessity in this case. So sign here. Date there. Initial. Oh I hate when they make you sign everywhere. Sign here and date and great. Moving on: So I assume your other affairs are in order so we can skip all this. AH. Here we go. Do you want to leave a note?”
“You know, I really haven’t made up my mind on that.”
“Well you know you don’t have all day. Ah ha ha. But no, if you’d like we have these sample notes that you can look over here to give you an idea of what you might like. This one here is the standard, but some people really like this one. I guess we all have a different way of saying what we want to say yes?”
“I like this one I guess.”
“Fantastic. Do you want to edit it? Here is a pen. Let’s see….more questions…date of birth…that’s on the personal form I gave you…I always forget a question. Ah! I need phone numbers! Ways to contact your wife, your boss and anyone else you want the news to arrive at. You can look at this script which is the basic conversation we have depending on the nature of your relationship with these people.”
“Here is my note; I didn’t need many changes.”
“Simple; I love it. Let me type that up quickly so we can get that all nice and neat…and finished. Simple indeed.”
“Anything else?”
“Let me look over your personal info quickly. Yes you have that filled out…ah, science; you’re a generous man…yes good.”
“Can I just say, ‘I think it’s great that you have this sort of service here.”
“Oh thank you so much. It’s our pleasure. Okay and… Done! Well, no. Sorry, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. We’re all set here and now we’ve come to the icky part of payment. With the options you have selected, the total comes to 2,080.93$.”
“Wow. I’ll admit that’s a little more expansive than I was expecting. Is that number negotiable?”
“…Tell you what: I like you. I can bump it down to a nice even 1,800$. Any less and my boss is going to throw a fit.”
“Well I appreciate that. Do you accept Visa?”
“I’m afraid we only accept cash.”
“Oh dear, well I suppose that makes sense. Unfortunately, I don’t have nearly that amount on me. The decision to do this now was kind of spontaneous and I …”
“…sigh…the first question I asked you was ‘are you sure?’ and I don’t like hearing you say ‘spontaneous’.”
“No no. I’m sure. The timing is what I meant is all.”
“…………Okay.”
“Let me run out to the bank. I’ll be right back.”
“We’ll be all ready for you when you get back. Hope you don’t go changing your mind on the way.”
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