Important Issue 2

(first written 11-18-2005)

Now that we have gotten the issue of gas out of the way, we can talk about something truly important: potato chips.

Right off the bat, I want to point something out to everyone. The original brand of Doritos is called ‘Cooler Ranch’. It’s not called cool ranch or even ranch. It’s called cooler ranch. Don’t we have to establish what ranch, and then what cool ranch is first. Maybe that was how they planned everything. First introduce ranch. And when people get bored of that you put out cool ranch and when they’re bored of that, you put out cooler ranch. It even sounds arrogant. This particular bag of chips is filled with cooler ranch than the leading competitor. Isn’t that a judgment call at that point? For example: I personally like Herrs’s Sour Cream and Onion over Lays’s Sour Cream and Onion. That’s a personal thing. But Lays makes a better potato flavored chip. And while I’m on a tangent, have you noticed how little you see those anymore. There are never just original potato chips anymore. They all taste like other things now. Like pizza. Hell, if I wanted something that tasted like pizza I’d order a pizza, extra cheese. (If you notice, they don’t make it pepperoni pizza or mushroom pizza. It’s just pizza).

Back to Doritos: they are starting to become a McDonalds. Here’s why: they have now started super-sizing their bags. I was at the super market (and yes I went shopping. See future e-mails for details) and I bought a 27 oz bag of Doritos (Cooler Ranch) for $5. 27 oz!!!! That is over a pound and a half! That is ridicules. And for five bucks! I could buy a #1 value meal at McDonalds for the same price. Which is better? Well my money went to the Doritos. It is two full meals for me where as the McDonalds would be almost a full one. Just goes to show: chips rule all.

Warning! Tangent beginning
I think there should be a chip test at the gates of heaven. Like if you’re right on the boarder line as they’re gauging whether you can get in or not, they give you the chip test. Can you eat just one? Just one delicious and highly addictive chip? The problem with this is I can’t figure out which place you go if you can do it.

As far as I know (and I don’t [At least I admit it]), quitting an addiction of spuds is leaps and bound above quitting cigarettes. I’m not saying alcohol, ‘cause that’s got a whole twelve step program and everything. That is legit. Not like cigarettes where they just say stop and try and cope. That’s lame. But quitting chips: That’s hard. You go through massive withdrawal: i.e. cravings. Cravings are hard to deal with. I know. I’ve tried.

I’m going to end on that note. The next one is a mystery to me so it will be for you as well. Most likely: something more important than potato chips….maybe.
-Sam D