Important Issue 3

(first written 12-2-2005)

Okay so now that I got my potato chip rant over with, we can continue with the problems with the world. This one has affected a lot of people if not everyone: The Israel-Palestine conflict. Now the way I see it is once again very simplistic. Two groups are fighting over the same land; both have proof that they have the right to the land. Not only to they have proof, they have irrefutable proof that they, and not the other group, own that land and their people belong there. Currently, the Israelis hold over the three lands and recently have given up one of them. This is a big step forward to finally ending the conflict. However, there will always be radicals that will never be completely satisfied until they get everything they want. My solution? Well I would suggest a time share. You know, they switch and share it on alternating weekends. Nobody gets it during the week and they switch every week having their people live there. On holidays, it’s a scramble for the first one there gets to have it for that holiday. So when Passover collides with Ramadan, get a TV camera and tape the magic!
So who is angry with me by now? How about we try something a little more radical? How about we kill everyone and no one gets the land? How does that sound? Suddenly a time share doesn’t sound so bad.
No? How about we do something even simpler than the first two? We flip a fucking coin! Heads or tails? To decide who gets to choose heads or tails, they have an ‘odds or evens’ match. To decide who gets to choose that, the two leaders of their respective groups will have an arm wrestling contest, a dance competition, and a poetry reading. Best two out of three wins. There I decided everything. I left enough chance to both groups that no one can go away empty handed. If the Palestines lose, they can at least say “Hey, at least our guy served Sharon!” no one’s upset this way. There! Problem solved. Next!
-Sam D.