One Two Step

(first written 5-8-2006)

The wedding I attended to over the weekend gave me a good excuse to write about something that has been eating at my insides. These truths are evident and though it took me so long to express them, it needed to take time so it could clearly be told.

This is a truth: dancing is lame.
There is another truth: no one person is not lame while dancing; black, white, Brazilian, etc, if you dance alone you are lame. The only time dancing that is not lame is when it is choreographed with many people doing it at the same time.

This seems counter-intuitive, especially when you see hundreds of people doing something like the Macarena all at once. There is another word for this: stupid. So no we have established that choreographed dancing is stupid and everything else is lame.

To have something be interesting and neither stupid nor lame, a dance needs to be creative, require more than one person to do it, and have lively music to it. The salsa and the tango are good examples of a non-stupid, non-lame dance. The adjective for dances like these is “SISSY”.

But let us not dwell on the SISSY’s. They are a minority at best. What we should focus on is accepting that, when dancing, we are lame. I have seen the proof and if you would like to see it as well, do not participate in the act and just watch. You will begin to notice the tendencies and movements that make everyone you watch completely lame. Neither the clothes nor the ‘phat’-ness of your dance moves can protect you from the lameness that you are creating by dancing.

I believe this is the best time to express my views on being lame, something I have had a lot of experience with. By no means am I saying stop dancing. I am merely stating what has always been there. When you dance, you are lame. I am no exception. When I dance I am proud to be lame and I show the world why I am indeed lame. So, do not let this e-mail deter you. Dance. Have fun. Have a good time. Wave you’re hands in the air like you just don’t care. Enjoy. Be lame.

-Sam D.

Note: this e-mail’s structure is loosely based on article that none of you have read. And I wasn’t paying much attention to it either. (Just thought I’d let you know).